Hashem....how can I begin to thank you for such a beautiful Shabbos?
It started Friday afternoon as I received Shabbos dinner from Park East Grill and put all in the warmer. I delighted in setting the tiny coffee table which has been masquerading as our dining room table for the last two Shabboses.
Lisa, Adam and Danielle were coming late Friday afternoon so I took a shower to prepare for Shabbos.
You know what happened next....I stood frozen....staring down at my hands in disbelief as hundreds of hair follicles covered them as I washed myself.
Oh my G-d...It couldn't be...things were happening so rapidly...I stepped out of the shower and started to dry myself off. More hair fell away as if it had never been attached to me.
I was amazed..I looked at myself in the mirror in wonderment. I wasn't scared or angry....just overwhelmed.
I reminded myself of what Laurence Gonzales, author of Deep Survival, had written, "to be open to the world in which you find yourself, to be able to experience wonder at its magnificence, is to begin to admit its reality and adapt to it."
I knew I needed to adapt. So I steadied myself and moved on....
I dressed in my Shabbos suit and started to daven Mincha....soon thereafter, as my niggunim of Kabbalat Shabbos were taking over our small apartment, Lisa and Danielle walked in followed soon thereafter by Adam.
I couldn't have been happier. Lisa lit the Shabbos candles. We were reunited!! The laughter....the intimacy....the love....all in our one room apartment...so special.
Shabbos morning we again davened at the Park East Shul.
You know it is not often that I drape my tallis over my head for the entirety of davening but today I wrapped myself in Your loving embrace throughout.
The soaring voice of Cantor Yitzchok Meir Helfgot accompanied by a magnificent choir was ethereal and other worldly. Simply UN-BE-LIEV-ABLE!!!
I loved looking up and seeing Lisa and Danielle. My heart filled with joy at the sight of them.
As the Cantor's voice reached the heavens and he sang the Shacharit Kedusha with such kavannah...
I wept tears of joy Hashem....You know the truth....not one tear of sadness....but a floodgate of gratitude....for all of the blessings you have bestowed upon me....my tears fell onto the pages of my siddur...although I knew it was strange to see my hair falling into the pages of my siddur as well...I know that I am physically changing more rapidly now and I am being transformed into something quite different than I had been before....but I am not afraid....for I know You are with me and that my neshama is being transformed as well.
This Shabbos has helped to prepare me for what I know will be a difficult but important physical test this week....I look at this second round of chemotherapy with both trepidation and reluctant acceptance.
Shavua Tov to all
michael
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Michael,
ReplyDeleteIt seems the battle is unrelenting and so is your fighting spirit. As Louise recently said, we all are inspired to "be like Mike". This is just another speed bump. We send you our continuing support and love.
Jon & Louise
Hey Michael
ReplyDeleteyou have a long road ahead of you..but with love from all that know you, you will reach the end of this road and on to better things
keep up the fight and positive attitude
Love
Iris
Michael,
ReplyDeleteI have been traveling all night back to Philadelphia. Sitting in baggage area and immediately turned on your website. How amazing you are! Spent a gevaldik Shabbos with Mendy Cohen, a Chabad rabbi in Sacramento. I gave the d'var torah and taught Pirkei Avos in your name and told the kehilla how close we are as chavrusas, dear friends, learning together over Skype and how much I see you as the embodiment of bitachon, of how you in your ordeal have inspired all who know you and your dear Lisa. Please wish her a Happy Mother's Day and give Adam and Lisa a kiss from me. Love you, my dear brother, Naph
Dear Michael,
ReplyDeleteOK this is the 3rd time I am trying to send a note.I guess the other two were not meant to be!
I will just say this then...
your words touched me more than you can know.
THe cancer should fall from your body like the hair falling from your head.
May you have an easy week and know that you continually inspire all of us (me , Michael, Max and Sophie) with your strength and wisdom.
WE speak of you often and miss all of you!
Sending love and all of our prayers for a refuah shlemah.
Jody
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ReplyDeleteDear Michael,
ReplyDeleteI wait for your new words and thoughts of inspiration daily because it gives me strength and hope. You have absolutely no idea how your writings are revelations of new levels of emunah and bitachon I have never previously been exposed to. All i can say is thank you. You are always in my thoughts and prayers and may you have a refuah shleimah. with best wishes tova
Dear Michael,
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who was also going through chemo and when her hair fell out she said, "B"H, the chemo is working!" May this offer a focus for you in this journey. Have a very focused week and may you continue to gather strength from your closeness to HaShem!
Blessings, Janis
hearing your voice on Friday......I thank you my friend for calling me. Though I was distracted at the very moment, I was remarkably just talking about you and Brothers of Pey Dalid....you see one of the people I was with is the son of Rabbi Yosil Rozenweig from Kitchener, Ontario, a well known Jewish song writer and performer who is leading a new band in our area called Yosil and the Kosher Gravy Company....
ReplyDeleteAnyway, several of us including myself, are going to be producing a tour for them and hopefully if all goes as scheduled, NYC will be one of the tour stops late this year. Last Sunday at their first show near here in Pontiac, I wanted so much for you to hear the music and I knew with deep conviction, how much it would have meant to you.....
Anyway, stay strong my dearest of friends and the magic of this healing time will continue to light your way in the weeks and months ahead!!!!
always.......
Howard
Thoughts from Rabbi Yoel Zeffren:
ReplyDeleteEach day your bitachon goes a step further. We are in true admiration of your strength and daven for you each day that Hashem give you a refua shelaima with no further setbacks and many many happy and healthy decades together with your beautiful family.
I could not help but smile when I read the description of davening with chazzan Helfgot. The combination of his voice and your heart surely breaks through the heavens and may you amongst all of Klal Yisroel have atrue month of Chaim Aruchim and Chaim shel Shalom!!
All the best,
YoelZ
Comments from Rabbi Pinchas Lando:
ReplyDeleteMichael,
I am not sure if my comments are going through, i tried to post this on line and i don't think it worked so i will try to share this with you and everyone. Rav Shach ZATZA"L points out that when Reb Akiva was killed Al Kiddush Hashem the Gemorah tells us they were torturing him with combs of steel and he said Krias Shma. Rav Shach points out that it was not his death Al Kiddush Hashem rather his life, that he said Krias Shma although he was undergoing such terrible tortures. Michael you are living a Kiddush Hashem inspiring one and all in their own service of Hashem, you're reward is unimaginable. Rav Shach once told someone going through very troubling times that it could be all your suffering is just so that others can learn how to deal with adversity. Michael you are teaching us all how one soldiers on in the Army of Hashem how to strengthen oneself in the face of a challenge.
Chazak Vematz,
Your Friend
Pinchas Lando
Michael,
ReplyDeleteYour pure Neshama shines through in all of your postings. You are such an incredible role model. May Hashem answer your prayers and those of all of us who care about you, and grant you a Refuah Shelaimah speedily!
With all of our best wishes,
Ruthie and Abba