know......that we are not alone

Lisa returned to Philadelphia yesterday and is thank G-d is on her way back to New York as I type these words.

When Lisa left.....I was truly alone for the first time since "moving" to New York. The decision to move here was built around the precaution of wanting to be as close as possible to my doctors and the team who were leading the effort to save my life.

One never knows what might arise that will require their immediate intervention to a complication or sudden turn.

It came as some surprise and greater concern yesterday afternoon when over the course of an exceedingly short amount of time my right forearm swelled, turned dark and started to burn from within. I could see that the source of this was the vein that had been used to feed the cisplatin and etoposide into my bloodstream for five days the previous week.

I immediately called the clinical "hotline" and swiftly walked the five or so blocks to Sloan Kettering's Urgent Care center.

After being seen by a nurse and doctor it was determined that an immediate ultra sound was necessary. The ultra sound showed superficial thromobophlebitis which for those like me out there is a superficial blood clot in the veins.

As I have learned, the fact of the matter is that the level of toxicity of the chemotherapy is so severe that it is as if molten lava is flowing into a river....burning everything in its wake.

Thankfully, 24 hours of hot compresses was all that was required and no blood thinners, which would have been had the blood clot been more severe.

Lisa had called several times during my three hours in urgent care but I never once told her of my situation not wanting to worry her. Only on my walk back to the apartment did I reveal to her what had transpired.

So late last night......I was thrilled when my dear friend Elliot Holtz showed up at my door unexpectedly and stayed with me in the apartment. His kindness and friendship were a welcome antedote to yesterday's "hiccup".

As I davened shaccarit this morning I was heartened when I read, "v"im ruchi geviati.....Adonai li v'lo ira"....."With my spirit shall my body remain. Hashem is with me, I shall not fear".

A bit further along in my tefillas at the exact moment that I started to recite the first words of the second section of The Shema....wherein it states....."that if you continually hearken to My commandments that I command you today, to LOVE Hashem, your G-d, and to SERVE Him, with ALL your heart and with ALL your soul"......at exactly that moment....my cell phone rang and I knew I had to answer......and on the other line .......the sweetest of sweet voices.....one of the great Rabbinical Gadols of our generation.....in the softest tone.....calling to ask me....."how are you feeling?"......."when can you come home?".......

I was so humbled....

I know that Hashem loves me.......whatever the outcome.......

and I know that "ufrosh aleinu sucat shlomecha"......"that He spreads over me the shelter of His peace".

I and we are not alone!!!!!

HASHEM LOVES US!!!!!!

B'simcha
michael