The pain in my right forearm continues unabated.....it simply has not gone away despite days of warm compresses having been applied.
I went to urgent care last night and they asked that I continue with the warm compresses and that I return this morning at 8:45 for another ultrasound......which I await now.
Hashem....I am mindful of what You have clearly stated in Your holy Talmud....."Do not rely on a miracle".
This is a perfect opportunity therefore to make clear to You Hashem.....that I intend to stay calm....that I intend to withstand any torment....that I will press on....that I am willing to endure any suffering....that I will remain patient and resolute.....
You see Hashem....I've made commitments....a commitment to my wonderful Lisa....commitments to my most precious children Adam and Danielle....
I made a promise to them individually and collectively that I would live....I cannot and must not abrogate those vows.
And to the commitment I have made to You over the years Hashem....I make it again and restate it to You now....I pledge to be a loyal and trusted soldier in Your brigade....to adhere to the mantra I say thrice daily in the Aleinu....Tikkun Olam B'Malchut Shaddai....I will help to perfect the world through Your sovereignty....and not as I may see fit....but as You instruct us.
So I beseech You again Hashem as I did this morning when I recited Tachanun....help me....I implore You not to turn my tears and tefillas away from You unanswered....
Please strengthen me so I can continue to be a witness to your daily wonders....this morning's sunrise....this morning's cold....this morning's brilliance....
I know I am being weakened physically....but I assure You I will fight to the end....I am hopeful You will be pleased by the sincerity of my effort.
Thank you in advance Hashem for helping me through my upcoming ultrasound and my upcoming five days of chemotherapy.
I am hopeful not to disappoint You....remember I've made promises which I intend to keep!!!!
I remain grateful to You...
And I stand before You most humbly and with a heart simply bursting b'simcha.
mi-cha-el ben Dovid v' Yehudit Miriam Vachs
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Michael,
ReplyDeleteI wish this post started with a warning:
do not read at work!
I am crying at my keyboard and can barely see the keys. How can I possibly explain my tears to Bob - that your words went straight to my heart; that your commitment to your family and to Hashem is so genuine and pure and so hard to find that it renders me a blubbering idiot. When I read "the coming storm" I was venerated at your response to your hair loss and loving how happy you were to be celebrating Shabbos with your shipmates! Then on to "promises" and how you are experiencing so much discomfort...your reaffirmation to Hashem. So moving and compelling. I am really in awe of you.
Dear Michael,
ReplyDeleteAs your strength is being challenged--indeed your call to arms has yielded a very dibilitating pain in your arm-- you remind us of the need to just take care and do whatever possible to facilitate healing ease the pain. We don't have to be like biblical heros. We have to take care of ourselves so that we can very simply love and be loved. Your love is clear. Know how much you are loved. Please continue to take care of your arm etc. Sometimes the hardest part is just taking care of yourself and letting others do some of the taking care too!
all our love,
louise and jon
Michael,
ReplyDeleteThis post was difficult to read, but I suspect even more difficult to write! Bitachon, remember! We made an ancient, collective promise at Sinai - na'aseh v'nishmah! You are living that promise! May Hashem give you strength - chazak! Love you,
Naph
Michael,
ReplyDeleteI will be praying and hoping that the pain in your right arm improves in the coming days. More importantly, I will be thinking of you each and every day this week as I know you are about to endure and excruciating round of chemotherapy. I remain, quite frankly, humbled by your courage, your faith and your seemingly un-ending source of determination. I am sincrely touched by your words, particularly as they relate to your beloved Lisa, Danielle and Adam. I am deeply moved by the beautiful manner in which you describe the depth of your love for them. I am rarely able to complete a paragraph about them without welling up with tears in my eyes. I have always known that you are indeed a rare individual. The manner in which you are conducting yourself through this, the most unfortunate of personal crises, confirms what I have known about you for many years Michael...you are indeed, one of the most remarkable people I have come to know. Be strong this week my friend. Find stength in the thoughts and prayers of the many friends and loved ones who are in your corner.
Shiroff
As any true soldier must endure, so too your fight my friend...time for anger, time for tears, time for doubts and time for resolute! Let it all strip away and make no apologies! Your faith and love prevails still and every cold Manhattan awakening is one dawn closer to the solstice...and we are all in that tiny abode with you.
ReplyDeleteLove and solidarity....
H Man
Dear Michael,
ReplyDeleteToday is the 27th of Iyar and the 42nd day of the Omer. Malchut of Yesod. Nobility in bonding Rabbi Simon Jacobson says.
You are the epitome of Nobility..
It was wonderful seeing you Lisa, Adam and Danielle on shabbat afternoon and after reading the posts just now from both sunday and monday i hope our visit with ariel and gabe was a distraction from the pain of your arm.
We are all in achdut and admiration for your words, your attitude and your love.
May hashem give you the inner and mental strength to go through the chemo and changes in you body this week and keep shining your light on your body and all of us. It is blinding and we all need some great sunglasses! May hashem reveal himself to us in the form of a beautiful healing for you and ease your way.
Rabbi David Pinto a known Moroccan Rabbi whose family are known tzaddikim wrote the book I dropped off. He is coming to Manhattan Sephardic to receive people the week before the wedding. If you are up to it getting a bracha would be a great thing.
Another blue sky sunny day. Refuah shelemah
with much love,
Kim Raymond Gabe, ilana and eli
Michael: you give us strength and a positive outlook each day...and remind all of us who is in charge of our lives. YOU have given us so much.
ReplyDeleteWe thank Hashem for the doctors and medicine that can help us get well with His help. Hashem please let your Neshama stay strong....and help you the way you are helping all of us with your words of Torah and Chizuk.....with love..The Lyons
Michael, you will keep all of your promises! Stay strong....stay filled with bitachon....and may your heart keep bursting-with hope and joy!!! We can feel your strength and your desire in your powerful and beautiful words. To know you is to feel and actually hear your emotions pouring from your heart and out of your mouth onto the screen! We daven and say tehillim for you every day~ asking Hashem for a speedy refuah for Michael ben Yehudit Miriam. We won't stop....you won't stop....until the One above decides that He no longer needs our tefillos for you but rather our Hoda'ah-our gratitude. May your arm feel better and allow the medicine to do it's work this week with as little discomfort as possible. You're in our hearts every day.
ReplyDeleteWith love,
Debbi and Marc
Stay positive, stay strong..you will beat this ..so many are rooting for you
ReplyDeleteLove Iris
Whoa, Holy Brother! Your strength continues to be an inspiration. Just bear in mind that you are the leading soldier in an enormous army of soldiers, each and every one of us, your friends and family, who love you so much and are beseaching HaShem to bring you a complete healing. Nothing is stronger than that! Chazak, Chazak. Love, Janis and Richie
ReplyDeleteDear Michael,
ReplyDeleteEric and I have been reading your beautiful words of strength. Our thoughts and prayers are with you, lisa, danielle and adam. Know that we are thinking of you every day and sending all our love and support.
Jill and Eric
Michael, Hashem is listening and hears everything you say. You will keep every promise. You are much stronger than you ever realized. We are all with you on this journey and there for you with every step. You will prevail.
ReplyDeleteLove you Bro!
Comments from Daniel Luria:
ReplyDeleteHappy 24 year anniversary from first wonderful date.
It was great seeing you both yesterday - especially you Michael - you are a bundle of infectious spiritual energy.
I am now convinced more than before that you are a Shaliach -infecting tens if not hundreds of people - getting them to look at Hashem, life, value of time, and family in a different -postive way.
Hashem needs you here big boy !!
And as we both know - facts, depends on G-ds will -nothing else.
Refuah shleima....bombard back with tehillim and not tillim (missiles)
Lehitraot
Daniel